holy fucking balls

i started going back through some of my last few posts and fuck if all i do is complain over the last few years.

i'm not actually this morose, as i just tend to need journaling time when i'm feeling an overall 'blah'.

but perhaps i'll hop back on here more often and talk about things that have captured my attention, or that i'm excited about.

getting older cannot only be about growing cynical and having less interest in life.

deep sea diving

i've been feeling deep underwater lately.

i feel like i'm crumpling under the weight of my utterly normal life.

which feels even more pathetic.


so i took a week vacation to sort myself out. a bit of meditation, a bit of yoga, a bit of attempting to create things again (i.e. drawing shitty patterns on expensive paper with archival pens, sorted through my calligraphy nibs, cleaned up my craft room). a bit of day drinking and the eating of chocolate cake. (even though i'm totally putting on weight but right now, mental health is more important than physical health. PLUS - i'm doing yoga. ish.) a total break from facebook and i've shut off most notifications on my phone. today i'm attempting a caramelized pork ramen with curried acorn squash and the house smells heavenly.

can i also say - film is hard.