argh.

whilst radio-surfing on the way home tonight, i happened across this lovely bit of "music"

"What Would You Do?"
(feat. R. SmKelly)

Hello, ladies {Hello} (oh, i'm no lady)
How are y’all doin’ tonight {Fine}
Can I keep it real {Yes} (please do)
And say what’s on my mind {Yes}
(is someone talking?)

There you are in that chair (this is true, sublime poetry)
Waiting for me to take you there (yay! a rhyme! gold star!)
To break it down and sing to you
And make you feel these words are true

Who’s gonna be the lucky one
Who spend some money on ‘em and have some fun
Tell me, I choose you
(uh, what? did you actually just sing that? ::disbelief::)

(What would you do) What would you do if I said all of
these words were true (one would hope you're not a liar)
(What would you) What would you do if I came down here
and sat with you (::raises eyebrows::)
(What would you do) What would you do if I told the
band to break it down
(Ooh) What would you do if I said I wanna lay you down
(quite possibly, kick your beanie-weenie)

(What) What would you do if I put this money in your
hand (take it and drop you like a greased pig on a hot summer day)
(Would you do) What would you do if I said I’d like to
be your man (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
(What would you do, baby) What would you do if I
brought you up here on this stage (break it down, david-brent-style)
What would you do if (Tell me), what would you do (i already told you, deaf boy)

Tell me who out there feels lucky
Wants me to take ‘em shopping and buy ‘em everything
Hmm, I choose you
(wtf.)

(blah blah, repeat repeat)

(Ow) (ow?) What would you do if I put this money in your
hand
(Out this money on your hand, baby) What would you do
if I said I’d like to be your man
(Be your man) What would you do if I brought you up
here on this stage
(Right up here) What would you do if, what would you
do (What if I got your)

Hair done (Yeah), nails done (Yes, I will) (... you're getting your nails done, too?)
Toes done (And) bank account (I’ll even take you) (what a gentleman)
Shoppin’ (Girl, I will) if you be good (You’ll have) (if i "be" good?!? arrrrrghghghghagdf!! $^%$*&^##%&^%$$&&^&((*&))&^$#&%%&^%*&(*&^^&$#$^^&!!#$*&)(% ::gaspgasp::)
Your own car (And the) platinum credit cards
(oh yea, that's the way to woo. money. impressive.)

*gasp* my own car?! amazing. this song, was... just... incredible. awe-inspiring. and that is meant... not in a good way. "awe."