copy & paste

check out the awesome, cut & pasted, uber-corporate, anti-employee email below (names changed). what a load of horse wallop:

OOooOOOoooOOoo this is TOO exciting!!

As you know, John Q Smith, the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Bitters, Inc., one of the TOP CEO's in America, will be visiting us this Monday morning, January 14!! He will arrive sometime between 8 a.m.-9 a.m., and will go on a tour of our site from 9:30 a.m. to 10:15 a.m.

His tour will begin on the 2cd floor, and by about 9:40 a.m., I will greet him in our 3rd floor 'lobby' area to take a tour of OUR organization!! We will walk into our wing by the curved green wall, and Suzie will then take him from Kristen and Bobby Joe's workspace area, to the main hallway in front of Louis's team, down that hallway to the P team area, through the P team to the other main hallway, and back up to where the J team sits, where I will then thank him for visiting, and he will be taken to view the other Bitters organizations on our floor and the 2cd floor.

While he is taking the tour, please be aware!!:

  • We have him for only about 5 minutes, so please stay clear of the walkway path while we take him around our "U-turn" hallway, and please don't walk between him and Suzie; we want to tell him everything about you, the great job you do, and our progress over the past two years, and don't want to spend even a second having to respond to "excuse me, please" while someone tries to get between or around them. This is our time to tell him how great you are!!
  • He has been known to want to listen in on a phone call!! I'm asking the supervisors to please have designated personnel ready who are near the hallway, just in case!! (WHAT an opportunity to show him how you service our members, cool!!) (but his timeframes are very tight, so I wouldn't expect this to happen, but it might!).
  • He has also been known to ask people to tell him an example of when you lived a Bitters Value at work! I know you live the Bitters Values every day you're here, and in case you don't realize that, think about it:
  • you have integrity because you keep the commitments you've made to members, your co-workers, etc.;
  • so many of you try to eliminate hassles for our members by calling providers or pre-c, educating members, etc.! That's quality service and definitely a value add!
  • and think of all the innovation you've been a part of! Those file reviews, the rework initiative, our mentor program, Q, the A rollout, the changes in our C plan test flows since last year - I could go on and on about your excellence and taking accountability to get things done, the right way!
  • so do think about the Bitters Values, and an example you might want to share with him, should that opportunity arise!

  • Please don't use the microwave or eat at your work areas prior to 10:00 a.m. Monday!! We don't want to have any food smells on the floor while he's taking the tour, and certainly don't want to put you in a spot where you've just taken a bite of something and boom, there he is, asking you a question!!

I wish we had a room large enough to hold all of our employees, so that everyone could attend one of his Town Hall meetings, but we don't, therefore about 13% of our total employee base can attend. Those who are attending one of the two meetings have been notified. For those of us not attending, we'll hold the fort, keep servicing our customers, and know that John Smith knows what we're doing, and that's living the Bitters Way.

I've copy/pasted our Values below, in case you need.

And in case you need this reminder - we value each and every one of you, and appreciate that you are in our organization, working with us. I'm just TOO proud of you!

Thank you, and have a great weekend!


Meaghan said...

wtf???? Thank you for reinforcing why I LOVE not working for the man. Poor Ant (I assume)....

Madge said...


This didn't take place in library (as Buster from Arrested Development would say), did it? If so, help us all.

Meghan said...

i like to imagine that you work for Honey Bunches of Oats. the people in the commercial always seem so peppy

and thanks for e-beating up my professor. could you maybe take an e-swing at my ex-boyfriend next?