*le sigh*

on monday, we had to let our little yam go. we knew it would be coming, and when she started to go downhill, it was really fast. and even with that knowledge, it was so very hard. 

this morning, we picked up her ashes, strangely, in a bag with tissue paper, almost like a gift.  i didn't realize they would be making a plaster cast of her paw prints.  we were doing really well, and as i was opening it, i thought it was just going to be an empty album.

SO. WRONG.  what a giant sucker punch to the gut and oh man we cried. 

so we treated ourselves to a long brunch.  and a cocktail for me, because i needed it.

these last few months have been filled with insanity.  car troubles, family health issues, death in our extended family, in friend's close families...    *sigh*

so here's to yam.  sweet little kitty with all the missing teeth and the penchant for swiss cheese.  and to a better end of the year.  because it can only go up.

I don't want to go to sleep, because tomorrow is going to suck. 

*big sigh*

?

t

hings i do not understand:  selling cold stone creamery ice cream in order to benefit a diabetes event.

perhaps they should also sell deep fried butter and other assorted deep fried candy bars.

uh oh.

i'm starting to dislike my job again.

my frustration and subsequent ennui seems to coincide exactly with the testing of our updates - a lot of it due to the fact that anytime there's an error, the testing team does no research on their own to fix it, even though they're the testers (who should understand what they're testing) and we're just the IT deployers.  i'm a systems analyst, not a claims pricing specialist, yet i am currently innundated with pricing issues on apr, apg, long term care and esrd claims.  *seppuku*  no  matter that the testing team consists of 5 people who split the different areas and we are 2.

giant ball of blarg.

... i mean, i like getting paid, and i like getting paid my particular salary, but it's probably not good to be so annoyed and mentally struggling for 8 hours a day.

yet again, i long to be an artisan worker in some way.  the problem, of course, is that i feel utterly unqualified in everything, even in my current job.  the feeling like i'm a fraud no matter what.  i have a lot of knowledge in a lot of things, but nothing that feels like deep knowledge of a skill.  a veritable jill of all trades, that's me.