HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i don't know why, but this is so awesome.

via defective yeti:

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure
Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> LOOK MIRROR
Self-reflection is not your strong suit.

> PET SEAL
It's not that kind of seal.

> EXAMINE CHAIRS
They are two several chairs arranged around the center of the room, along with two couches. Under one couch you find Clinton's shoes.

> FILL SHOES
You are unable to fill Clinton's shoes.

> EXAMINE DESK
It is a large, oak desk, with several drawers.

In one drawer you find a bag of pretzels.

> EAT PRETZEL.
I don't think the pretzel would agree with you.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> GO RIGHT
Far-Right
You are on the far right of the political spectrum.
Jesse Helms is here.
John Ashcroft is here.

> GO RIGHT
Radical Right
You are on the extreme right of the political spectrum.
Dick Cheney is here.
Pat Robertson is here.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> TAKE VACATION
Taken.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> SCORE
Your favorablity rating is 58% out of a possible 100%.

> GO PHOTOOP
Photo Op
You are at a the Emma T. Booker Elementary School, along with a gaggle of obsequious members of the mainstream media.
There is a book here.
There are some children here.

> READ BOOK
You read "My Pet Goat."

In the distance, terrorists attack the United States.

> READ BOOK
You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> READ BOOK
You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> READ BOOK
You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

> GO HOME
You fly around aimlessly for a while, then return to the White House.

Oval Office

> GIVE SPEECH
Who do you want to give the speech to?

> AMERICAN PEOPLE
You give the speech to the American people.

> DIAGNOSIS
Your favorablity rating is 84% out of a possible 100%.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE AFGHANISTAN
Afghanistan
You have invaded the nation of Afghanistan, bombing the Taliban nearly out of existence.

Osama Bin Laden, mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, is here.

> INVADE IRAQ
(Leaving Afghanistan first.)
You are not able to do that, yet.

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> FUCK
Such language in a high-class establishment like this!

> HYPE THREAT
"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

> MONGER FEAR
"Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud ..."

> MUDDY WATER
"We know that Iraq and the al Qaeda terrorist network share a common enemy -- the United States of America. We know that Iraq and al Qaeda have had high-level contacts that go back a decade. And we know that after September the 11th, Saddam Hussein's regime gleefully celebrated the terrorist attacks on America ..."

> PUNISH CRITICS
"Wilson never worked for the CIA, but his wife, Valerie Plame, is an Agency operative on weapons of mass destruction ... "

> RAILROAD CONGRESS
You schedule a vote on the Iraq invasion for just before the 2002 midterm elections. As usual, spineless democrats roll over like an SUV taking a sharp corner.

Your plan to invade Iraq now has the backing of the American people and Congress.

> INVADE IRAQ
Baghdad
You enter the Iraqi capital of Bagdad, having toppled the government and captured the nation's key cities in only 21 days. You can't seem to find the promised throngs of citizens greeting you as liberators, but the footage of the Saddam statue being pulled down looks great on Fox!

> GIVE CONTRACTS
Who do you want to give the contracts to?

> HALLIBURTON
What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Halliburton?

> NO-BID
You give the no-bid contracts to Halliburton.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

> WEAR FLIGHTSUIT
You put on the flightsuit.

> SAY "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED"
"Mission accomplished."

> EXAMINE MISSION
The mission is not accomplished.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

Some insurgents arrive.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a small number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a medium number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

An election year arrives.

> GO LEFT
Far-Right
Pat Buchanan is here.
Sean Hannity is here.

> GO LEFT
Compassionate Conservativism
You are right-of-center on the political spectrum.
John McCain is here.
Joseph Leiberman is here.

> GET REELECTED
You get reelected.

> GO RIGHT
Far-Right
Tom DeLay is here.
Michelle Malkin is here.

> GO RIGHT
Radical Right
Rick Santorum is here.
Ann Coulter is here.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a large number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a huge number of insurgents here.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

> STAY COURSE
The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is an overwhelming number of insurgents here.

> SCORE
Your favorablity rating is 47% out of a possible 100%.

> ADMIT MISTAKES
You are unable to admit mistakes.

> ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY
You are unable to accept responsibility.

> DECLARE VICTORY
I do not know what you mean by "victory."

> QUIT
Oh, how we wish you would.