i have a problem


and that problem is, in a word, laziness.

where is my mojo? my get-up-and-go? i realize that i'm a creature of stimulation - i like new things. normally my jobs haven't lasted more than a year or so - my current job is the longest at 3. it mostly keeps me busy. but even with hobbies and crafts, i can't seem to easily stick to them!

it's very frustrating. as soon as i achieve a smidgen of competence with something, i'm over it.


so i'm forcing myself to stick to a few things, mostly because it's expensive otherwise.

sewing. knitting. gardening. and of course, photography.

my photo kick has kind of waned, only in that i'm-tired-of-always-lugging-my-giant-camera-around kind of way.

so i'm trying to get some photo apps and kick my malaise in the ass with my camera phone. trying to just have fun with it and find some kind of inspiration.

i'm going through throes - i waffle back and forth when editing photos between what's "right" or what "looks right" or what "looks good" - and then i say fuckitall and nothing gets done. else i spend 45 minutes on one goddamn photo and then hit "reset".

it's very frustrating.

finding one's "style" is crazy hard. especially with digital photography. (at least, so far, it is for me.) some people are strange purists who don't want to do any photo editing - but the fact of the matter is - ALL digital photos are edited in some way, either in post production on the computer by a person or by the camera itself.

i took some photos of our television recently - we've had troubles with every single (expensive) flat screen from samsung having serious back lighting issues. anthony didn't want me to edit the raw files at all, so i didn't. however, he noted later that they didn't look like the image on the back of the camera and the lighting issues weren't noticeable. well... that's because the image you see on the back of the camera goes through in-camera processing. if you shoot in raw - the pic isn't going to look like the one on the back of the camera once you transfer it to your computer. it's just not.

with digital, an image is just math. it's just there waiting to be manipulated, waiting to "look real". it's just... trying to find that happy medium that i'm comfortable with.


mostly i think the malaise is stemming from seeing this, 40 hours a week:

office without a view.

depressing, no?

it's brighter than that, of course, but that's how i feel about it all. and damnit, i still haven't gotten any plants in here! that was supposed to be remedied months ago!


ok, now that *that's* all out, i feel better.

/end rant.

*exit stage left and straight on towards rapture*


S. said...

I've been reading your blog for years now, just because it's cool. I love what you write, even (or especially)when it's frustratedly silly like this last post. Thank you for the many unexpected little swatches of color I have stumbled upon in your blog over the years! I was randomly searching for more blogs about art today. I am starting a blog soon for my paintings (fright!) and was looking for leaning posts. I found this and it made me happy and thought it might be something you'd like too. An artist's survival kit: http://www.kerismith.com/popular-posts/the-artists-survival-kit/
Because I'm lazy as all hell, I probably won't print it out or anything but it was heartening just to read through and I might come back on a rough day to read it again. Hope you enjoy,

kimberlina said...

DO IT! and do it for yourself. everything else will follow. at least... that's what you always hear. do share when it's up!

i'll have to check out that post, inspiration + motivation can sometimes be hard to come by.

and thanks for saying hello!