oh, the rants are neverending this week

songs enjoyed today:

rainer maria - feeling neglected
mineral - slower
pedro the lion - rapture
the appleseed cast - losing touching searching


for real, the lady who sits near the printer needs to stop telling me that i'm too thin. you might say, "oh, don't complain, you're lucky!"

no. really. stop. objectifying. me.

i guess... whatever, it happens. i don't mind every once in a while. but at least 3 or 4 times a week she mentions it. and she's always offering me candy or cookies. maybe i've also already complained about her.

in any case, after lunch, i was still hungry and then commenced to eat 5 nuggets of chocolate. i then commenced to feel really sick - sometimes sugar makes me feel really yucky. hence why i don't eat much of it.

i walk by.
she: "you're so thin! oh, have some candy!"
::points to huge candy box::
i: "no thanks, i just had a bunch of chocolate and now i feel kind of sick."
::walk to printer & walk back::
she: "oh, well, you're the one that never eats."

.... excuse me? ... are you insinuating i have an eating problem? just because i don't eat all the candy and sugared foodstuffs you offer me doesn't mean i don't eat. i actually eat quite a bit and i am lucky to have such a great metabolism, i know.

i'm just super hormonal right now and cannot handle the barrage of workplace annoyances that are piling up at present.
hormones + stress + work + school = kim-mind-messy

such obsession with looks and appearance can't be healthy in this society. regardless, if i were to take the opposite side and tell her each time i saw her that she should lose weight or stop eating that candy as she's chewing it, that would be a huge social faux pas! even if i took the slant that i was only "concerned" about her well-being.

either way, complimenting how thin someone is and telling someone they are too big, both are just different sides of the same sticky situation - objectification.

and now my eye is twitching.

ok. so i started to write this rant and then decided against it. i'll give the gist of it here.

it's often annoying when people think you're young and then treat you differently when they realize you're 10 yrs old than they thought you were.

it's definitely annoying when people objectify you and the only 2 conversations they can have is 1. you are so thin! or 2. here, have a cookie.
that was satisfying. i think i had previously gotten most of my rant out of the way earlier.

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i've heard of a study that women are more prone to hating their jobs when they don't get enough sleep. the adverse being that they wouldn't have so much job dissatisfaction if they got enough sleep.

... last night i went to bed at 10:30 and i can say w/ authority that the study was a bunch of crock and that besides being more awake, the day is crawling by.

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classes have begun and i'm taking basic information sources & services and techincal services in small libraries. BRING ON THE EXCITEMENT!! YEA BUDDY! :)

also, the reading. oof!

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anthony and i watched nightwatch last night. really good film! i like it because it didn't hold you hand throughout the entire movie. i hate when movies babystep you through every single thing, explaining in painful detail. having said that, i think sometimes it bordered on the too-artsy-unexplained.

watch it, maybe you'll see what i mean.

mom, can i have breast implants?

this weekend i had a lovely lovely time visiting my parents and erika.

saturday was spent shopping w/ erika and eating surprisingly delicious pear & gorgonzola pizza at "cpk" (california pizza kitchen). anthropologie is the devil. overtime pay is my friend. i haven't laughed that hard w/ friends in a long long time. i actually started getting a headache from it. :) silly, i know.

had dinner w/ erika and the fam, including vincent, which was nice, since i don't always get to see him when i visit. my dad and kevin's cooking always makes me so happy. steamed chicken with that... oil, ginger, salt & scallion sauce is incredible. i MUST find a recipe for that sauce, it's divine on rice. absolutely divine.

sunday i got my hair trimmed a bit and relaxed. erika made me veggie tacos and regaled me with stories of anthropology in italy (digging, not the store).

one reason why saturday was so insane was at 'off 5th' - which is the sak's fifth ave outlet store. it's mostly crappy, unfortunately. or maybe it was the day we went. in any caes, i found this cute skirt by theory. ok, i know *nothing* about "fashion designers," but there wasn't anything special about this skirt except that it was pleated and was a plaid print. simple cotton. it was on "sale" for $27.... but it was originally $270. TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY DOLLARS. true insanity. my mind could not grasp this, seeing as how the skirt wasn't even lined; you could still see the serger seams! wtf. was it blessed by the pope? sprinkled w/ holy urinal water? i just don't get it.

in any case, i tried it on, struggling the whole time w/ the original cost of the skirt. i also tried on a beautiful dress w/ matte sequins on it - you know, wedding dress "research." i come out and the thing is huge. it's just too big. this ribbon belt thing, which is attached, is kinda loose and hanging.

(enter saleswoman, stage left)

me (talking to erika): hmm... this looks bad. ... i think it's just too big. eck.

erika: hm, yea, i agree. is that belt thing supposed to hang?

(i back into the dressing room about to shut the door. saleswoman approaches door.)

saleswoman: you know, you should ask your mom, ...or maybe your boyfriend... to get you... you know... (cups hands in front of her breasts and makes exaggerated breast motions)

me: ?? BREAST IMPLANTS??

saleswoman: yea! ...don't you want them?

me: uhh... no. (looks disturbed, horrified, incredulous and mostly incredibly disgusted)(also imply the emphasized word "fuck" in front of the negatory answer)

saleswoman: oh. i do.

(i let the door shut, though erika later asks, "did you mean to slam the door?")

obviously, i end up not buying the skirt, though $270 does seem to allow theory to make a nice skirt that fits well.

i sit in the chair outside my little dressing room and rant to erika - i think the saleswoman is further from the dressing room door than she apparently is.

rant rant rant! wtf! ask my mom?? my boyfriend? if i even wanted them, which no way i do... i'd just buy 'em myself! my mom??? good grief. i'm probably older than she is! (she looks old, but that's because her hair is sadly color fried and she is wearing a lot of foundation which, in a pitiful way, overly creases her face.)

she ends up coming in and apologizing and tries to make nice. as erika says, probably so i don't complain and get her fired.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

it was a very sad encounter. if i had been younger, i would have been really upset. yes, my breast-estes are tiny. it took me a long time to be ok w/ that. now, i feel more sorry for the saleswoman than anything else. what kind of world do people live in where superficiality is what will make them happy?

{edit: well, i guess, really, we're all superficial on some level. i like pretty fabrics and looking good. i guess i feel that having plastic surgery to alter your breast size isn't to make you happy, not on a deep level at least. when you come right down to it, it's ideally to fit into the "society" of fashion mags and pornos. you want to look like a woman a man would want to rut with. ... ew. and that's just sad.}